i hate you

i hate u i hate u i hate u!!!
i cant trust u trust u anymore!
if u really not happy wif me break up wif me..STOP THREATENING ME WIF BREAKUPS...
i really dun noe wat to do now...can someone tell me?
i nv felt so lost b4...
i dunoe even to trust ur words anymore
everything is my fault
y did u even find me back
i have been like this for the past 8 years
juz tat i am more vocal now
i juz wan to smile again
a real smile
not a mask i am puttin on now
i am so tired

insecurity

i am feeling insecure... very very very very insecure... it doesnt help when u keep saying i am fat... every week i am subjected to ur qning.. did i lose wgt? did i do my exercises???

it doesnt help when u kept reminding me tat all the gals are skinner den me... it doesnt help at all

i am juz getting more n more insecure.. i hate u... i so so so hate u!i am so tired of all this... y did u come back for me... am i really the one u wan? i am really tired.. i wan to be the happy linda again...i wan to feel confident again.. i am again losin my confidence...

i already managed to build up my confidence when i left u... u were the one who ask me back...if my wgt affects u so much.. u shldnt ask me back... i am tired v tired... v tired of being so consious of wat i am eating... my confidence level is down to zero again thanks to u.. i hate u i hate u i hate u... y are we even together...:(

y did u ask me back.... y did u propose to me....

WHY???????

am i the one u really love?

when i drink and i start to cry.. i definately noe something is wrong.. something is wrong now.. i juz feel so insecure and i hate this feeling... again.. y did u ask me back????? y u wan to propose to me.. i dun understand all this...

y cant love me simple.. y cant i juz love u and u juz love me..

i definately noe i am NOT ugly.. juz abit on the plump side.. not fat.. juz very huggable size...IT NOT MY BLOODY FAULT TAT ALL THE GALS NOWADAYS WEIGHT 40+ AND ME 50+.... if tat was ur issue wif me.. dun find me BACK...i really hate u for making me feel like this... i juz wan to get so drunk tat i juz fall aslp wifout thinking.. but FUCK i am semi sober.. and i hate it...i hate this feeling... i hate crying... i so so hate this...i hate u i hate u I HATE U... go away and leave me alone!!!!!

if i am not someone u wan to love... go away and leave me ALONE... i cant handle all these.. my heart is weary.. v weary... so tired... so so tired....

previously i nv felt like this... i felt happier... very much happier...although there was no happy outcome.. i felt much happier... my confidence level soared like nv b4... wif u... everything plummet down... straight down...

i juz wan my due happiness...i dun feel it from u anymore... zip zero.. ZEROOO....if u dun feel i am the SKINNY TYPE of gals u wan... juz leave me... i am so tired.... i am comfortable in my own skin.. U ARE THE ONLY ONE NOT COMFORTABLE WIF WHO I AM NOW...

DAMN U FOR MAKING ME FEEL THIS WAY.. I FREAKIN HATE ALL THIS FEELINGS.. IT SUCKS BIG TIME BIG BIG BIG TIME.

Last Week of Aug!

24th August

I really suspect tat i am a serious shopoholic... i can totally buy anything everywhere!!! even at some popular sale.. i got some past chi magazines at super low price... the 1st set was some HK gossip magazines i tink.. pretty interesting.. hahaha a wee bit like our local 8 days juz.... wif tons of adv!... the other is a taiwan (i tink) mag.. pretty interesting... juz browse thru as din have the patience to focus on the chi words! hahaha

25th Aug

Bought this totally yummilious museli bar!!! Choco and cherry de!! super yummy lo.. 3.95 (on offer due to coming expiry date.. hahahaha.. but still at least 5 mths away... so y not.. hehehe) really really yummy!! bought from NTUC.. pls kindly go buy it now!! hahaha

The bars! hahaha

27th Aug

Supposed to head to the doc's in the evening... but my regular doc was closed!!! the clinic nx door.. doc only will rch at 7pm.. and there were pple quening outside already!! wasted trip.. headed home to change and head out AGAIN to kovan to meet ting and winnie.. lame i noe.. hahaha... and the best part was BOTH were going to be late.. :(

Everytime like this de lo.. very upsetting u noe... one was making her way down from orchard and the other stuck at home cos her mum cooked dinner late!! but timing was not set by me de lo!!! sighz... this is not the 1st time this has happened... and best.. sms/call me when i was already out of the hse!!! on the hse i still can nua awhile ma.. haiz... anywayz... i was sulking when winnie rch.. she was like sry sry.. haiz... wat's done is done.. i cant undo anything rite...

proceeded to xin wang cafe to eat/drink/talk.... gossip abt... anyway.. gals... i noe i tend to throw temptrums.... but do place urself in my shoes... sometimes it gets abit frustrating tat i had to plan/take care of u all...

*and i juz recently noe tat the gals are afraid of my sudden outbursts of tempers! oh gosh... haiz.. need to control control control!!!*

bought some snackies again!! hehehe

28th August

Well... i guess do not need to say much.. again.. snacks for my mini pantry!!! stocking up on my pokka milk tea!! hehehehe

Bought some masks too!! 2 face and neck masks + 4 eye masks = $10... i noe not super cheap but juz wann try try.. hehehe

My stash of masks..(only sheet masks here.... in my cupboard there are arhmmm some mud masks and wat nots... :X) some from korean/taiwan/jap!! got frds to get them when they were there.... :X29th Aug

Headed to Heeran for dinner @ Fish & Co!!.. hehehe.. walk abit.. bought a pair of ribbon black wedges.. (at $20, it was a steal!! hehehhe) din get much... trying to curb my spending!!

Dear Dear's Bday!

23rd Aug

Wee... my dear dear is one year older.. hahahaha... old liao old liao.. :X... i have this thing/issue... muz buy bday cards de... i dunoe y leh.. hahaha... i will hunt up hunt down for a card tat i like/adore! hehehe.. from Tatty Teddy.... hehehe

His present... hahaha... dunoe wat to buy liao..:X... clothes/wallet/cutsy stuff all buy b4 liao... his sis juz got an A/X belt for him.. so buying belt will be out of the qn... hahaha... his face was like :0 when he saw this.. hahaha.. ask me how come nv buy a more straight forward 'game'... :x...*blush*.... hahaha... it was so pai seh lo... go into the shop to get this... luckily it was during lunch hour.. not many ppl aro.. and the sales... was a lady!! very nice... intro some stuff to me... anyway till now... it is still sitting at the corner of his room.. 'unplayed' yet... hahaha

I also ordered a cake from the Patissier.... yummy! I ordered Cocca Napoleon http://www.thepatissier.com/webtop/Browse/index.phtml?action=browse&id=1&StoreID=1& ..... sinful to high heavens!!! but tasty... his sis mum and himself said so too!! worth the moolah!!! hehehe

We headed to Ootoya which was located at the Orchard Central. Reviews : http://www.hungrygowhere.com/singapore/ootoya_orchard_central/ .... the food generally was pretty good...

erhmmm... the appeitizer tat we both din really fancy... there was raw tuna and lady fingers in it.. hahahaha.. dear was like ... eeeeeeeeee.... so sticky and yucky... hahahaha... but the presentation was really nice.. and oh ya... there was a whole egg in there too!

Dear's Fish set.... pretty nice... a tad on the PLAIN side though... (btw... the pumpkin was DAMN YUMMY, it was the side dish!)

My pork cutlet wif miso set!!! mine was two thumbs up... yum yum!!! hahaha luckily for dear... we had this practice of exchanging food.. so he got 1/2 of the yummy cutlet... and he was ranting mine taste so nice!! hehehehe

The complimentary dessert! if u pay by OCBC card... i was only expecting one only... hahaha ... it turns out they will serve to all present in the grp/table.... not a bad deal... we are fans of green tea ice-cream.. and this tasted good too! hehehe

The service over here was generally okie... will top up the tea (which was a special blend of green tea and brown rice)... food was prompt!

We took a walk in Orchard Central.. it was erhmm... boring i guess... abt 60-70% of the shops was open... but... it was really quiet there... nothing much to see... some specialty shops was there... erhmmm... i guess ION will be a better shopping place! hahahaha.... :X