heartfelt thx

to the gals who had supported me online and in real life... many thanks...

some had conceptions tat i was super mistreated based on my rantings on my blog... i was mistreated yes.. but not superly over i guess...

how do u define super mistreated? everyone has their own opinions... my bf has v weird thinkings and behaviour that he has problem telling me how he feels and tinks... and when he do so... it comes out v harsh and not pleasing to the ears... i really dunoe y like tat...

it could be due to the fact tat his previous gfs are arhemm *coughs*ahlians*coughs* and din really need so much comprehending.. and the fact tat we had the longest relationship (for the both of us) and heading towards (hopefully) marriage... both of us kind of panic and freaked out...

he tried to put out ground rules tat din exist previously... but i tried to whack them out one by one... to me.. is juz a huge change from who he was previously and i couldnt accept how he tinks and the changes he tried to fix...

we really had many quarrels for the past 1 mth.. really many... till he thot i was under depression cos of the so called weird comments and actions i said and did...

haiz... i dun really noe this path i am taking is rite or not... to the point tat i was tinking do i love him a not... or everything is juz a habit... and marriage is the nx step... i guess i can only find out myself...

as i said... opinions of everyone varies... some may tink is worth the fight to seek happiness.. some may tink y am i suffering all these nonsense and is obvious i am not happy...

i guess i really dunoe and i do not noe how to explain to them... but pls gals... do not feel offended if i rebuke wat u said... i am by nature a v defensive gal.. so even if rite or wrong... i tend to be defensive...

again. many thanks.. hugs out...! :)

faith

i am losing my faith in you...
when things were turning for the better,
it got worse...
do i have the courage...
to finally leave u once and for all??

my heart aches in a way u will nv comprehend...
bcos of u...
i am losing faith in love...

u changed...
yet u keep saying u din changed...

i am tired...
really tired...

My loots in 2nd Week of Sept! :X

7th Sept

my daddy ask me to get a lanyard for him for his trip to spain.. hahaha... daddy i tried my best liao... the cherry lanyard is the most not girly one already...

bought a lil teddy bear ezlink card holder.. so cute rite... + a pinky cartoon character card holder (for all the privilege / % cards... i filled out 80% of it already!!!)

and also snacks to fill up my mini pantry! i love the potato spicky!! damn nice lo...!!! yum yum... and the combos (basically like biscuit wif creamy fillings inside!) and arhmm the new lychee lackerol (i dont like!! i dunoe y!)

and my archie comics!!! i love it when there are mini book fairs at my work plc!! hahahaah... i tink kids nowadays dun even noe who are archie,jughead, veronica and betty lo.. sad sign leh... nowadays kids only noe sex and sexy... hahahaha...:X

8th Sept

Headed to Bugis during lunchtime... bought the below two magazines from Kinokuniya....I bought Ray cos of the cutsy Hello Kitty pouch!hehehe... Scaiwei is the taiwan version of Jap Caiwei... pretty cool too!

and my main motive for heading to Bugis... the below gorgeous heels!! nice rite nice rite...:X.... 39.90 ea... the 2nd at 15% off... hence the two pairs of the same design but diff colors... these two babies are darn comfty!!! really... and super high lo.. tink 4.5" hehehehe

9th Sept

Whilst waiting for the gals to rest raffles mrt for lunch.. i ended up doing a mini shopping spree... hahahaha.. bought a nail art design book... 3 nail polish...2 nail art polish and a nail cuticle oil.. so far... i hvt used any of them... haiz... i need to curb my spendings!!!

a close up shot of the nail polish... very pretty bottles wif a gem on top... hahaha

11th Sept

met my gals for dinner + shopping + chilling out!! hehehe... meet them at Tangs orchard to utilise the 10 voucher from the PMO... and we all made a big booboo... the voucher can only be used at Tangs vivo! but the nice sales manager managed to persuade the Tangs staff to let us use it there....i bought the moisturizer cos i super in love wif in.. ting bought the toner... judy and winnie ea bought the set!

Clinique!!! u need to use me to promote ur stuff... hahaha... at one shot.. 3 of my gfs bought Clinique products!! hehehe

oh ya... we took a look see at the new Etude House at Orchard MRT and was given a freebie... -> the o2 mask white sheet mask!! hehehe... was tinking of getting the o2 mask gel leh... seems like so many good ravings abt it... (i have to use up all the masks at home b4 buying more.. haiz...)

After our shopping.. we headed to Pizza Hut for dinner!! since on tv... they were promoting their arhmmm wonderful pasta.. we decided to give them a try.... ordered 3 diff pastas, garlic bread and the all time fav... wings... well.. let juz say the pastas was not much to talk abt... is either too bland or too dry... :X

We headed to Meritus Mandarin (did i spell it correctly??) for drinks... yes... again... tink it will be one of our fav chill out plc... ended the nite abt 2plus 3 i tink... hahaha... i am juz happy to have frds like this grp of gals! :)

do u wan me enuff?

Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
a guy must want his wife...
Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
pamper and shelter her..
Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
if not.. sure stray de

I say:
she is a busy gal... dun really meet bf much.. her job marketing ma.. so she really busy and loads of events to attend

Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
cause not important enough to him
Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
see.. that's why divorce rate here is so high

I say:
hehehehe
I say:
i noe
I say:
haiz
I say:
fortune teller say i wil marry 28-35.. mayb i really marry v late

Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
ask yourself... if he makes you happy first lor
Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
sacali.... you also not sure

I say:
these few mths no

Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
then take a step back...
Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
go on a short holiday
Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
clear your head
Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
write down your thoughts
I say:
writing liao..
Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
cool

I say:
once a person told me.. 4 happy years dont mean anything. most imptly, can he give 40 happy more years in the future <-one of the gals i met wrote this
I say:
cool rite

Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
yup
Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
good point
Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
but hor.. its not solely the man's responsilibity

I say:
i noe la
I say:
hahahaha
I say:
but but

Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
takes two to make it work
Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
both must be up for it

I say:
i nv do anything like u noe weird or wat leh
I say:
haiz
I say:
i nv say u everyday muz meet me
I say:
i nv say everyday u have to report to me who u meet or where u go
I say:
haiz
I say:
wat he wan

Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
no lah...
Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
its not about those things..

I say:
den wat

Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
is about wanting you enough to make that leap

I say:
haiz
I say:
guess he dun wan me enuff

Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
maybe the love is just too practical.. and not
Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
intense and defining enough
Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
go take a break...
Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
run away...
Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
disappear...
Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
something dramatic
Damien- Arien on a Rampage says:
see what happens

some how... his words make sense... mayb i am no longer enuff or impt enuff for him...

can i get drunk so i dun tink?

any kind soul willing to bring me go drinking? so drunk tat i can dun tink... stop tinking at least for tat nite...i am worried tat i will go crazy at tis rate....

ur words

you said...mayb u acted like tis cos u have a phobia... u are afraid tat u will lose ur freedom...

you said... mayb mayb u are afraid of getting married...

you said you said... EVERYTHING IS U SAID DE...

you said... u will change everything abt urself juz to be back wif me...

you said...u are willing to give up everything juz to have one more chance wif me...

you said... u juz need one chance to prove to me tat u are wat i need in this life...

everything is U SAY DE...

it hurts very badly...how am i supposed to respond to tat...

after u said tat... u tell me u going for lunch den logged off...u said not to worry... u still love me and still v much wan to be wif me...

y everything is u said de... can u explain to me...

i shld be the one who is more scared n worried...my fiance who propose to me barely a year ago is tellin me all these... a guy who i spent nearly 8 years wif....suddenly have cold feet and worries abt his own freedom...

since when i spot check on u... do i call u every freakin day to ask wat u doing and who u are wif... i juz wan ur wkends to be wif me... is it too much to ask... i only meet u on wkends... now.. wif meetings on alt sat at work.. i end up wif only 1/2 a day on sat and sun... wat more u wan from me

my heart hurts v badly... how u wan me to believe in ur words anymore...

wat if one day.. u tell me.. u love someone else... wat if one day u tell me u dun love me anymore and wan to be alone....wat u wan me to do..

jump down a bldg and vanish from ur life?

i am v emotionally weak... u already noe...u were the one who ask me back again n again...everything is u said de... EVERY SINGLE FREAKING THING IS U SAY DE....

i really feel like giving up...my heart is v confused and it feels so broken tat i dunoe how to start piecing the pieces back....i am still crying..

you said... the tears tat i dropped will only be tears of joy....all those smses and emails i still have...den y am i tearing out of sadness and heartbreak...

you said... u tell me all these is to tell me ur feelings.. not to quarrel... i appreciate the honesty... but... it really brings a great fear to my heart... cos i feel...i am living my life based on how u feel at the moment..

i really wan to erase the whole slate... totally erase everything...can i press pause and rewind back to when i was 19... erase everything all the memories we had... erase watever feelings i will have for u... erase even meeting up wif u...

my heart really aches v badly... i dun to cry n cry n cry...every day and nite...

is it the end of the road?

You asked me y pple get married?

i was stunned and keep quiet...

you asked me... y dun reply... u also dunoe ar...

i replied...to start ur own family..to have a companion who will always stand by you...

u replied...but i am losing my freedom....

wat freedom are u losin... can u tell me? i only meet you on wkends... i dun really call u on wkdays... mostly thru sms and msn... how am i restricting ur freedom? is it wrong to let me noe where u going and who u are wif? wat crime is it? u are my finace liao.. u are the one who woo me back.. u are the one who propose to me... how come i am in the wrong now?

it hurts
very badly
very very badly

do u wan me to leave u?? so u be happier? wait u say i threaten u...i am tired... almost every wkend it ends like this... u pickin on me... me wanting to cry...it hurts like hell u noe...

can you tell me wat u wan? if u r regretting.. den i will let u go... can u tell me? i dun wan to cry... when i am supposed to be in a happy relationship...

can u tell me wat happened? y did u change? wat happened? did i do something wrong? can u pls tell me? i dun wan to cry n cry... i am tired of crying too...cos i am juz v tired...

8 years.... can i erase? can i wipe the slate clean? can i erase u from my life? it hurts very badly... CAN U JUZ FUCKING UNDERSTAND? U ARE HURTING ME V BADLY... Y ARE U PICKING ON ME? CAN U TELL ME WAT I DID WRONG... CAN U JUZ TELL ME WAT U WAN.... AM I DOING ANYTHING WRONG???CAN I NOE WAT I DID WRONG....

Hush Hush

I never needed you to be strong,

I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs,

I never needed pain, I never needed strain,

My love for you was strong enough you should have known,

I never needed you for judgments,

I never needed you to question what I spend,

I never asked for help, I take care of myself,

I don't know why you think you've got a hold on me

And it's a little late for conversations,

There isn't anything for you to say,

And my eyes hurt, hands shiver,

So look at me, and listen to me..

(Because)

I don't want to stay another minute,

I don't want you to say a single word,

(Hush, hush, hush, hush)

There is no other way, I get the final say,

Because..

I don't want to do this any longer,

I don't want you, there's nothing left to say,

(Hush, hush, hush, hush)

I've already spoken, our love is broken,

Baby, hush, hush.

I never needed your corrections,

On everything, from how I act, to what I say,

I never needed words,

I never needed hurts,

I never needed you to be there every day,

I'm sorry for the way I let go,

Of everything I wanted when you came along

But I am never beaten, broken, not defeated,

I know that next to you is not where I belong,

And it's a little late for explanations,

There isn't anything that you can do,

And my eyes hurt, hands shiver,

So you will listen when I say..

I don't want to stay another minute,

I don't want you to say a single word,

(Hush, hush, hush, hush)

There is no other way, I get the final say,

Because..

I don't want to do this any longer,

I don't want you, there's nothing left to say,

(Hush, hush, hush, hush)

I've already spoken, our love is broken,

Baby, hush, hush.

No more words, no more lies, no more cryin',

Hmm Hmmmm

No more pain, no more hurt, no more tryin',

Ohh Ohh Yeahhhhh!

(Because)

I don't want to stay another minute,

I don't want you to say a single word,

(Hush, hush, hush, hush)

There is no other way, I get the final say,

Because..

I don't want to do this any longer,

I don't want you, there's nothing left to say,

(Hush, hush, hush, hush)

I've already spoken, our love is broken,

Baby, hush, hush.

Yeahhhh Ohhh Ohhh Ohhh

(Hush, hush, hush, hush)

I've already spoken, our love is broken,

Baby..

my heart is really very tired... i really dunoe which path to take...i am tired... very tired...can i juz disappear from this world so i dun have to tink abt this?my heart hurts alot...i do not noe how to explain this hurt to anyone....i juz wan to curl up and hide from everything...is there a delete button so i can erase the past 8 years?i really wish i nv met u...i really wish i have never gone back to u...i told u b4... i was nv the gal u wanted...y din u listen... y u die die wan me back... can u tell me y....

Her World Project Makeover Finals and ButterFactory!!

4th Sept

weee... the day of the Her World.Com Project Makeover Finals... so nervous lo.... (although in my heart i noe i will not win de lo.. hahahaha)

We had to rch there abt 8plus am for a rehearsal.... still muz catwalk leh.. i was really embarassed and i tink i look like an idiot of the mini catwalk. :( .... and the best was... i was kind of being scolded as i din give an answer tat they wanted... haiz.. the qn abit hard leh.... "As an internet savvy person, what can you say about project makeover as an online-driven campaign?"

tell me... how to ans tat??? nothing related to beauty and i am the only one arrowed wif tat kind of qn... -.-" the rest of the gals had beauty related qns... remind me.. next time to indicate in my hobbies... - shop shop shop and more shopping... hahahaha

but still... i did enjoy myself during the event... we had to do our own makeup... pretty fun cos it was like a girly party... 4-5 gals at a time doing their makeup and chattering away in the room... our hair was done my a hair stylist... but she was not allowed to do extreme styling after the 1st 2-3 gals... darn unfair lo.. my hair was styled straight... and it was straight to begin wif.. :( .... but she was very nice!! hahahaha

i din get to drink the alcohol that was being served!! sadness lo.. the gals keep saying me... u and ur ramblings on drinking the alcohol! :X

but all in all.. it was a v darn fun event..which i believed i may not have a chance to do such things again! (cos growing old liao.. hahahaha)

oh ya... btw... the host was Wong LiLin..she damn nice de lo.. v v v super duper friendly... no i-am-a-star-bow-down-to-me air aro her... and her figure is...uber good!!! (stares at my own figure and sighz :(.....)... and i tink she love to wear white.... :X

Many guests were there... john molina (but he totally forgetten who i was... i used to frequent Thumper when it was aro... he would come round to our table and chit chat wif us in btwn sets... :X)... randall (handsome lo!)... shi xin hui... (did i spell her name rite? i almost din recognize her... her hair was blonde and she look like a jappy!) and many others... was so shy during the catwalk.. ya.. i admit.. i got abit star struck... hahahha

Pics!!!

and i tell u... i all along noe she will win.. hahaha... her smile is really bright and personality bubbly... hahahaha

and i really thankful to my bro, da sao, dear, ting, winnie, judy and michelle for coming down to support me... hehehehe... thank u thank u!

hehehe... the two of us after the event... (i really preferred my own dress! hahaha many ask where did i get it from!)

The gift pack that was given to all guests of the event... there was the eye cream (tink tis was the best in the set!), lipstick samples... vouchers from Tangs Ladies and a dessert eatery (if i am not wrong ... they provided the snacks for the event). I stole the set from Dear... since he dun need it anyway.. hahaha

ANDDDDDD.... *drum rolls* my gift pack!!! is FANTASTIC LO!!! A set of clinique products, a hamper set of Philip products and $200 Tangs Voucher (pic below!) so happy lo!!!! Dear help me stored all these in his car and i was going to Butter wif the gals!! (he even volunteered to send us there.... hahaha)

OMG... SO PRETTY LO!!! there was the perfume Happy by Clinique, a nude lipstick and a blusher (face color) palette!! i totally hearts these lo.. the perfume was really nice!! i like... no wonder Jun was raving abt the perfume! and the lipstick casing is totally hawt!! silver on the outside, fushia pink on the inside!!

Philips damn generous leh!! look at the size of the hamper!!! damn happy lo!!

i wanted an epilator for the longest time liao!! yay... dun need to buy liao!! hehehehe

My set from Vxxx Sxxxx was not working very well!! so i was again uber happy to receive this!! hehehe.. hvt really play fully wif it yet... hehehe

a 4 Gb mp3 player!! how cool is tat!! feel so loved by Philips now.. hahahaha

Last but not least!!! the vouchers!!! as Jane S. will say... these are the UPMOST impt prize from the event... i totally agreed!! hehehe

After the event and some light snacks... the gals and i headed to ButterFactory.... yayness for not having to quene super long!! hehehe... :X

Some photos! Enjoy... tink i do not need to intro the gals anymore! hahaha

okie... there is a funny story behind meeting Serene... Lawrence had a few frds at Butter so he was constantly bringing them over to intro to us... so whenever he tapped my shoulder i will automatically say.. hi i am linda... and the funniest incident happened.. when he brought serene aro.... and say hey i saw Serene here... and i was like Hi Serene... i am Linda...

Serene stared at me and say... yo.. are u okie.. or drunk liao.. hahaha... sibei paiseh lo.. haiz... Lawrence say i high liao lo.. and NO LAWRENCE i was no high.. juz super tired.. hahaha

Sighz.. been to butter a few times... but but but but but.. din really enjoyed myself there...:X and best when lawrence brought us in to Members... it was so darn crowded tat i stepped out within the nx 10 minutes.. hahahaha

Unspoken Words

i have been very quiet for the past 2-3 weeks... not many pple knew exactly wat happened... i also got no idea how to tell my frds... i am not exactly sure am i too parnoid or he got very good at lying...

at this point i dun really wanna tink so much... he open mouth close mouth say he love me and will not leave me for other gals... he say one.. haiz.. i really dunoe...

i anyalze this situation wif my 2 dearest gfs... i came to realise tat all these is a vicious cycle... this happened some years ago too... :(

he tried to pacify me but i juz got too parnoid... haiz...

i really afraid... but haiz... :(

i read this phrase from another blog - we forgive unforgiven mistakes cos we are afraid of losing the one we love... i am not saying he did things tat are unforgivable... i juz wondered if he did a not.. cos i have no proof no nothing.. juz my gut feelings... but my gut feelings sometimes abit haywired de la.. haiz...

thanks to my gals in real life and online world! sry i chose not to say much and made many worry abt me... but i am touched by the tags and emails and sms sent to me...

i do hope to lead a very peaceful life wif the one i love and he who loves me wholeheartedly... wish me luck in getting one tat is all that! :)

Loots and more loots in the 1st week of Sept!

31st Aug



today was the day for the PMO fitting... well... they have pre-selected some apparels for us to try... i saw this pretty blue toga dress wif a big big sash and decided on the spot tat it was the one for me... really sweet! saw the rest of the gals' dresses.. nice too! hehehehe

And i got hooked onto the museli bars! but arhmm.. the coffee ones suck... i din really like.. mayb cos i din like coffee all tat much!

After the fitting, supposed to meet ms pearl... and she forever late de lo...!!!! super late lo... which = to me shopping!!! haiz... bought a pair of silver heels from charles n keith! v v v nice.... but whilst i was there... these 2 gals... actually occupied the whole sofa seat! i guess most of u gals noe tat the sofa seats are for pple who wan to try shoes... MOST gals will juz take up enuff space for themselves and their stuff... but these two gals.. actually use 1/2 the seat to put their stuff and occupied the other half wif their HUGE ass! (btw... they are peitite size only la..) i mean the other seats were already occupied wif pple... and u 2 actually occupied the whole seat!!!

i actually walked a whole round aro them and they CLEARLY knew i was lookin for a seat... and din even attempted to at least move over a wee bit....so i juz sat rite down behind them and placed my bags beside me... DEN they moved over... and not too gracefully too.. anyway... haiz... this is juz so singaporean lo....


Earrings!! Earrings...!!! i always fancy earrings from this shop!.. very very sweet and always so tempted to get! ea pair cost 12.90.. so a tad exp to me la... but... but... the salesgal was also

1st Sept

headed to Hougang Mall after work to run some errands... saw tat Chamelon is having some promo packs on sale.. bought 2 set @ $1 ea.. cheap cheap rite!!! quite a num of things inside... 3 hairbands... a ribbon clip and 8 rubberbands... hahaha.. i am a sucker for cheap and good stuff!

Headed downstairs to look see at the poh kim sale... bought these 3 sets of VCD/DVDs.... the 1st i tink is Ella from SHE acting like a boy in the serial drama... i rem watching a few episode and it was pretty funny... the 2nd one is some fighting show from the group 5566... hahaha... lame i noe.. but i rem watching it on tv on sats and i actually missed the last few episodes! not happy since the vcd on sale... buy lo.. the last is a korean dram i rem judy was raving abt.. so decided to buy and see wat the hype was abt!.... (todate - 8th Oct... i havent even touch them!)

2nd Sept

Headed to Ang Mo supermarket to get some cheap alcohol... they are seriously cheaper!!!

Bought a cheap cheap heart printed bag @ $10 for wkend getaways (hahaha... already used on 30/09 - 1/10 for a trip to Sepang!)

3rd Sept

Wah... my bro really bought a lot of goodies while he was on his biz trip! and all of them were yummy!! loved the pineapple tart wif a salted eye yolk inside!!! tell u DAMN YUMMY!!!! :X

and he bought the latest Absolut Vodka - Rock Edition for me!!! thank GORGOR!!! hehehehehe

4th Sept

The day of the PMO.... that will be another post... i look hideous tat day btw! :(.... anywayz... Bodyshop was having a 30% off for Star Loyalty members... so decided to buy the latest makeup collection from them! and of cos not forgetting to inform my dear frds abt the fablous %! look at the total amt of loots we bought!

scary rite!! and below are wat i bought!! the nettle oil balance shampoo... looks good so decided to try it out... the limited ed white musk iris... smells good!! (i noe i noe.. i have tons of perfumes).... a retractable blusher brush!! tell u.. the bristles damn soft lo... me getting more brushed from TBS liao!!! and the limited ed baked minerals blushers and eyeshadow (yes i noe i have a lot of makeup liao.. but they look so pretty... how to resist!!! )

5th Sept

Headed to Bugis to do some praying.... there was some roadshow going on for TLB.... the whole load of stuff below comes wif the magazine which costs abt 6 bucks! v v v v worth it!!!

i hate you

i hate u i hate u i hate u!!!
i cant trust u trust u anymore!
if u really not happy wif me break up wif me..STOP THREATENING ME WIF BREAKUPS...
i really dun noe wat to do now...can someone tell me?
i nv felt so lost b4...
i dunoe even to trust ur words anymore
everything is my fault
y did u even find me back
i have been like this for the past 8 years
juz tat i am more vocal now
i juz wan to smile again
a real smile
not a mask i am puttin on now
i am so tired

insecurity

i am feeling insecure... very very very very insecure... it doesnt help when u keep saying i am fat... every week i am subjected to ur qning.. did i lose wgt? did i do my exercises???

it doesnt help when u kept reminding me tat all the gals are skinner den me... it doesnt help at all

i am juz getting more n more insecure.. i hate u... i so so so hate u!i am so tired of all this... y did u come back for me... am i really the one u wan? i am really tired.. i wan to be the happy linda again...i wan to feel confident again.. i am again losin my confidence...

i already managed to build up my confidence when i left u... u were the one who ask me back...if my wgt affects u so much.. u shldnt ask me back... i am tired v tired... v tired of being so consious of wat i am eating... my confidence level is down to zero again thanks to u.. i hate u i hate u i hate u... y are we even together...:(

y did u ask me back.... y did u propose to me....

WHY???????

am i the one u really love?

when i drink and i start to cry.. i definately noe something is wrong.. something is wrong now.. i juz feel so insecure and i hate this feeling... again.. y did u ask me back????? y u wan to propose to me.. i dun understand all this...

y cant love me simple.. y cant i juz love u and u juz love me..

i definately noe i am NOT ugly.. juz abit on the plump side.. not fat.. juz very huggable size...IT NOT MY BLOODY FAULT TAT ALL THE GALS NOWADAYS WEIGHT 40+ AND ME 50+.... if tat was ur issue wif me.. dun find me BACK...i really hate u for making me feel like this... i juz wan to get so drunk tat i juz fall aslp wifout thinking.. but FUCK i am semi sober.. and i hate it...i hate this feeling... i hate crying... i so so hate this...i hate u i hate u I HATE U... go away and leave me alone!!!!!

if i am not someone u wan to love... go away and leave me ALONE... i cant handle all these.. my heart is weary.. v weary... so tired... so so tired....

previously i nv felt like this... i felt happier... very much happier...although there was no happy outcome.. i felt much happier... my confidence level soared like nv b4... wif u... everything plummet down... straight down...

i juz wan my due happiness...i dun feel it from u anymore... zip zero.. ZEROOO....if u dun feel i am the SKINNY TYPE of gals u wan... juz leave me... i am so tired.... i am comfortable in my own skin.. U ARE THE ONLY ONE NOT COMFORTABLE WIF WHO I AM NOW...

DAMN U FOR MAKING ME FEEL THIS WAY.. I FREAKIN HATE ALL THIS FEELINGS.. IT SUCKS BIG TIME BIG BIG BIG TIME.

Last Week of Aug!

24th August

I really suspect tat i am a serious shopoholic... i can totally buy anything everywhere!!! even at some popular sale.. i got some past chi magazines at super low price... the 1st set was some HK gossip magazines i tink.. pretty interesting.. hahaha a wee bit like our local 8 days juz.... wif tons of adv!... the other is a taiwan (i tink) mag.. pretty interesting... juz browse thru as din have the patience to focus on the chi words! hahaha

25th Aug

Bought this totally yummilious museli bar!!! Choco and cherry de!! super yummy lo.. 3.95 (on offer due to coming expiry date.. hahahaha.. but still at least 5 mths away... so y not.. hehehe) really really yummy!! bought from NTUC.. pls kindly go buy it now!! hahaha

The bars! hahaha

27th Aug

Supposed to head to the doc's in the evening... but my regular doc was closed!!! the clinic nx door.. doc only will rch at 7pm.. and there were pple quening outside already!! wasted trip.. headed home to change and head out AGAIN to kovan to meet ting and winnie.. lame i noe.. hahaha... and the best part was BOTH were going to be late.. :(

Everytime like this de lo.. very upsetting u noe... one was making her way down from orchard and the other stuck at home cos her mum cooked dinner late!! but timing was not set by me de lo!!! sighz... this is not the 1st time this has happened... and best.. sms/call me when i was already out of the hse!!! on the hse i still can nua awhile ma.. haiz... anywayz... i was sulking when winnie rch.. she was like sry sry.. haiz... wat's done is done.. i cant undo anything rite...

proceeded to xin wang cafe to eat/drink/talk.... gossip abt... anyway.. gals... i noe i tend to throw temptrums.... but do place urself in my shoes... sometimes it gets abit frustrating tat i had to plan/take care of u all...

*and i juz recently noe tat the gals are afraid of my sudden outbursts of tempers! oh gosh... haiz.. need to control control control!!!*

bought some snackies again!! hehehe

28th August

Well... i guess do not need to say much.. again.. snacks for my mini pantry!!! stocking up on my pokka milk tea!! hehehehe

Bought some masks too!! 2 face and neck masks + 4 eye masks = $10... i noe not super cheap but juz wann try try.. hehehe

My stash of masks..(only sheet masks here.... in my cupboard there are arhmmm some mud masks and wat nots... :X) some from korean/taiwan/jap!! got frds to get them when they were there.... :X29th Aug

Headed to Heeran for dinner @ Fish & Co!!.. hehehe.. walk abit.. bought a pair of ribbon black wedges.. (at $20, it was a steal!! hehehhe) din get much... trying to curb my spending!!